Do You Think I am Fat?

Every third Sunday of the months feels like hell to me because my family has a regular family gathering and it is a must-thing-to-do. Well, I like the idea of keeping all relatives close. But there is one thing that I really hate from family gathering, the same old question that makes me want to get a gun and shoot my brain straight away. Some of my aunties have been asking me ‘so, when will you get a girlfriend?’ question for TEN YEARS! And they started asking me when I was 10 years old. What do they expect from 10 years old boy?! Most of the time, my family gathering is just full of tormenting questions and comments that are repeated over and over again, for example….

“You look fatter now… look at your floppy arms! You should be on diet!”

“You’re so skinny! Why??? Eat more pork!”

 “So, when will you get married?”

“When will you have kids? Oh… only has one? Why don’t you have more kids?”

And… so on. Is that a common thing or it’s just a typical of Asian family gathering? Oh well… only God knows.

Well, now I’m sure my aunties won’t ask ‘so, when will you get a girlfriend?’ question anymore because I do have a girlfriend now, Jill! She is my very first girlfriend and we’ve just been together for two weeks. Last Sunday, Jill joined the family gathering and I was pretty nervous to introduce her in front of the whole family members. I know it’s a bit too fast for us, but I just cannot stand those annoying questions and comments anymore. The first time I introduced Jill to my relatives, they gave the warmest greeting to her. We were chatting, laughing and sharing our happiness together. This family gathering is really worth my time and surprisingly, none of my relatives asked any annoying questions to me or Jill. Maybe they got awe-struck by her beauty and her bubbly personality. After having a delicious feast, Jill and I were going to the backyard and we talked about many wonderful things that happened during the family gathering.

“Mark, thanks for inviting me to your family gathering.  I really enjoy it. Oh… and also, the Roast pork belly! That is the best!”

“Yes, it is! I know that it is so fatty but I don’t care. I think I could eat it until I get heart attack!”

“But… Mark, I feel so guilty. I’ve been eating pork for 4 days in a row. I think I’m gaining weights. But, what do you think? Am I getting fatter though?”

Wait. This is a trap. I heard story about this tricky question before from my cousin. He said if a girl asks this, there is no such thing as perfect answers that make a girl happy. If I said no, she might say that I am a liar. If I said yes, she might say that I am such a heartless jerk. Damn, life is hard. I wish I could play dead now.

“Jill, about that question… Can I answer it later?”

“Why?,” asked Jill suspiciously.

 “I really need to do number two. I think I ate too much. I’ll be back!”

I ran so fast to the toilet, found some inspiration to answer Jill’s question and I decided to give my best shot.

“Jill, sorry for making you wait. So, yeah about your question… You’re perfect in any shape, babe. But if you feel you need to get back in shape, we could jog tomorrow morning near the beach while seeing a beautiful sunrise.”

“What a sweet idea! Thanks Mark, you are the best!”

Phew... Well done, Google. You saved my life. Thanks for helping me to get through this. Typing ‘what to answer about do you think I am fat question’ is kind of silly but it is totally worth it.