The unfulfilled human being and the most selfish and immature human being.
YES. That's some responses that I've got so far when I say I don't see myself having kids. I don't want to have kids.
Okay enough writing in English - brain dead haha. Ok talk Indo lah and mix mix a littlet bit - here we go!
Setelah berpikir panjang mau discuss ini di blog atau gak, akhirnya gw decided untuk ngebahas ini karena menurut gw reading my argument about why I don't want to have kids is better than listening to my argument face to face. Karena sadly, most people don't want to listen to your shit. They have set up their own answers when they say they "listen" to us, which I find it is SO exhausting.
Berikutnya, karena gw tau beberapa relatives, family, close friends and some not-really-friends-but-so-so-friends might read this, it will be better for them to know and respect my point of view. I DON'T ask my readers to AGREE with me, but please do respect this argument.
Sekian kata pengantar dari saya untuk mengurangi kesalahpahaman dalam membaca post ini. Untuk lebih memudahkan para pembaca, gw bakal bagi tulisan ini dalam beberapa sections. Prepare yourself, this is gonna be a long one :)
THE JOURNEY
Kalo ditanya sejak kapan gw kepikiran gak mau punya anak, jawabannya udah lama dan finally fix my mind around 10 years ago. Banyak faktor kenapa gw decide gak mau punya anak, salah satu nya family issues. Singkat cerita, nyokap gue keep telling me that kalo nanti punya anak, you will open the door for "HELL" - lu jadi gendut (hahahaa itu hell banget buat wanita), repot, sacrifice yourself, dan yang paling buruk... kemungkinan bahwa suami anda akan selingkuh kalo anda terlalu sibuk sama anak dan gak sempet ngerawat badan (non-sense but it is real)
Menurut gue yang paling hell adalah part diselingkuhin ama suami and I do have big trust issues about this shit. Kebayang gak kalo misalnya lu udah repot urusin anak dan keluarga, terus suami lu one day ngaku dia selingkuh dengan alasan misalnya "Iya karena mama udah jarang kasih 'service' ke papa." ERR-MAHHH-GAWWD! Sadly, it does happen.
BUT sebelum nyokap gw ngomongin hal tentang kids and "hell" berkali-kali, I just never see myself having kids in the future. Menurut gue having kids itu semacam kayak decision in life, it is NOT an obligation that you MUST have kids.
Gw ngeliat itu same thing kayak orang gak pernah ngeliat diri nya kerja di kantoran or jadi wirausaha. Although banyak yang bilang kalo argument gw gak valid karena gw masih too young to think about that (age is just a number, yow!) and most of them say I will change my mind when I get older.
Sekarang gw sudah agak menua dan hampir mencapai umur 23, gw tetep berpikir bahwa kids itu bukan something yang mau gw achieve in life. It's just that gw punya another life achievement yang menurut gw lebih important.. Plus, gw gak see advantages for me of having kids. I say it again, advantages for me. Karena mungkin menurut beberapa orang, punya anak itu menguntungkan - hidup jadi lebih lengkap dan bahagia, entar tua bisa ada yang jagain, nanti bisa bawa banyak rejeki, punya anak adalah God's gift yang kita harus terima - and SO ON.
Sometimes yang paling ridiculous kalo ada orang emosi ke gw dan ngomong kalo gw mesti use the ability yang udah dikasih Tuhan buat punya anak. Otherwise gw gak bersyukur dan gak menghargai gimana susah nya orang yang pengen banget punya anak tapi gak bisa-bisa. Oh well, does it really my responsibility to feel sad and have kids demi orang-orang yang susah punya anak? Where's the logic?
It's like saying ke orang yang udah kenyang banget ampe mau muntah, terus kita paksa mereka makan karena mereka harusnya kesian sama orang-orang busung lapar di Afrika. Mereka akhirnya paksain makan dan end up muntah di badan kita. Congrats.
Gw udah pernah consider all advantages and opinions yang dikasih about having kids and still... I just don't see the point. The answers buat bikin hidup gw lebih fulfill, entar gimana gw idup pas tua, blablabla - gw really don't find the answer from having kids.
Jadi kalo orang keep wondering kenapa gw gak mau punya anak dan kasih tatapan bahwa gw bakal jadi wanita paling lonely in this planet dan akan ditemani dengan puluhan kucing di masa tua nanti, well... that's the only answer I can give, whatever your judgment is.
LET'S PLAY WHAT-IFS
Banyak yang sempet nanya ke gue tentang respon parents gw, partner gw atau masyarakat setempat pada umumnya. Jujur, gw sempet ragu karena gak semua orang bakalan setuju dan gw sempet kepikiran buat change my mind karena gw takut gak "fit in" di society.
Kebayang gak kalo gw lagi ngumpul arisan sama ibu-ibu muda terus mereka lagi sibuk mau jemput anak sekolah dan gw malah jemput si Mochi keluar dari salon anjing? Atau misalnya pas lagi kumpul keluarga, most people pada cerita tentang progres anak nya udah bisa jalan, lari, ngebentak mereka, whatever - dan gw ceritain tentang Mochi hamil diluar nikah karena dihamilin anjing liar. Gw rasa gw bakal have a hard time to fit in di masyarakat pada umumnya.
But WHAT IF... gw sengaja berubah untuk nurutin expectation orang-orang dan gak mau ngecewain family gw, terus beneran aja tujuan hidup gw di dunia ini bukan untuk melahirkan generasi baru dari rahim gw?
Apakah orang-orang yang udah put their pressure and expectation ke gw mau tanggung jawab? Well, I don't think so. And after that, gw bakal end up dengan my own regret dan nyuruh si suster dan mbak buat urusin anak gue. Maybe at that time orang-orang bakal bilang, "Ih ibu yang gak bertanggung jawab, kalo gak bisa ngurusin jangan punya anak dong."
They're gonna repeat my first argument dan mungkin gw bakal suruh Mochi gigit mereka. So, this brings to... kita gak akan pernah bisa nyenengin semua orang dan we have to stick with our own decisions (whatever that is) - in this case mau punya anak atau gak.
And WHAT IF... pacar kita mau end the relationship when they find out kita gak mau punya anak? Dan karena kita takut diputusin dan "demi membahagiakan" pasangan, kita decide to change my mind. Sialnya, pas married pasangan kita selingkuh, misalnya karena badan kita udah gak langsing lagi. Kesialan tidak berhentis sampai situ saja - at the end, kita realise bahwa emang kita gak ada calling untuk punya anak. What are we gonna do? We end up in a really fucked up life.
Menurut gw saat kita in a relationship, it is really important buat sort this thing out - mau punya anak atau gak, what kind of family that we want to build, kalo one of us mandul gimana, and even mau punya anak berapa.
Seriously, kalo cowok gw mau punya anak 2 dan gw cuma mau punya anak 1,5 - it's gonna be a big deal. I've seen that happen a lot for real. Either we're gonna change my mind or not menurut gw itu urusan nanti, as long as kita udah communicate sama pasangan kita before we tie the knot.
THE OTHER WAY AROUND
Okay, what about kita tanya ke orang yang udah punya anak - why do they want to have kids? - and listen to what they say. Whatever the reason is gw try buat respect that, walaupun kadang gw denger things yang so irresponsible, contoh:
1. Gw mau punya anak karena semua orang udah punya anak.
(Seriously? Kids are not like iPhone 6 - you must have it so you look cool)
2. Gw mau punya anak karena that's the way it is.
(Siapa yang ngomong? Guru human bio lu?)
3. Gw mau punya anak buat jadi properti foto di Path sama Instagram.
(Mungkin dia lupa dengan keberadaan boneka Susan yang bisa dijadiin props baby juga)
So, if one day gw change my mind (we'll never know), gw definitely will ask this question to myself. Dan I'm sure that alasan gw mau punya anak nanti bukan karena peer-pressure or karena gak ada props buat foto Instagram (that's messed up). Karena gw tau punya anak itu A BIG DEAL - bikin nya nikmat, ngerawat nya gak semudah tamagochi.
Having kids is beautiful BUT some people forget to mention kalo mau make it beautiful, you have to put A LOT of efforts. Kenapa gw bisa bilang ini? Karena gw udah liat betapa susah nya cici and suami mendidik anak-anak nya menjadi manusia yang punya akhlak dan otak. Gw bisa bilang nephews gw salah satu contoh anak yang bisa behave dan gak membabi buta kalo lagi ada di khalayak ramai. Walopun si K pernah ngorek sampah tissue karena kelaperan (HAHA, DA BEST).
AT LAST
Menurut gue perihal anak beranak itu big deal, sensitif dan itu self-exploration whether you want it or not - it is how you live your life and it is very personal. Daripada kita membabi buta bertanya-tanya kenapa someone gak mau punya anak or mau punya anak, we better look at ourselves. Tapi in this case, gw ngerasa beberapa keluarga muda lumayan emosi kalo find out tentang pendapat gw.
OH WELL... ini cuma my assumption - so it might be wrong, but that's what I feel... mungkin mereka merasa that not having kids can be an option (if you have vagina and womb doesn't mean you should have kids, okay). And maybe some of them regret why they never think about it, so to compensate their feelings, they try hard to convince that I am wrong to make them feel better. Maybe they feel better for a while but the reality is their kids are still on this planet and will continue their sleep deprivation - so good luck with that.
Intinya, apapun decision kita - never let anyone determines your happiness and never live in someone's expectation. At the end of the day, kita yang the only one ngejalanin hidup kita.
Terakhir... keep asking people about their personal issues and forcing your opinions to them is not polite. And actually, how they live their lives is not our fucking businesses.
Happy Saturday.
